On Trust and Softening

Since I started practicing Anusara yoga five years ago, I have been exploring and fostering my relationship with trust — learning to believe in my body, my heart, others, and the universe. I spent a significant portion of my earlier years gripping my muscles tightly, afraid that everything would fall apart if I let go. Through my practice of Anusara, I have learned (and am continuing to learn) to still engage my muscles, set a foundation and a structure, and also to soften my heart and extend out from my core organically, with grace.

In a physical practice, backbends are the perfect family of poses through which to explore trust. As we move backward into a space without first seeing it, the only thing left to do is lay back and surrender, putting our faith in our own strength and in the universe. And it requires a tremendous softening and a profound surrender to move into the deepest backbends. Anjaneyasana and Ustrasana are great poses for exploring moving backward into the unknown. Eka Pada Rajakapotasana ups the ante even more, as it offers an intense experience of laying back and trusting — and stokes the fire of transformation.

I have also learned that as I trust myself, and soften to my being, I come to relationships differently. There is nowhere that this is more evident than in my marriage. When I am centered, trusting myself and my strength, and my partner is in a similar place, we are able to come together and offer and receive support freely and easily. We are able to be vulnerable with each other — softening our hearts toward one another. And, as we receive each others’ support, we are able to offer ourselves back out toward the world in service.

For many of us, trusting is not a simple, easy thing to do. As life progresses, all of us experience betrayals, of some sort or another. And the path of yoga teaches us, even in the face of let-downs, to have the strength and courage to turn inward, to believe in our own self-worth, to have faith in the universe. It takes time and cultivation, but slowly we unfold backwards, reach behind into the unknown, and find ourselves touching a place in ourselves and in the greater consciousness that we had no idea existed.

Questions for journaling or contemplation:
* What is your own relationship to trust?
* Do you tend to grip your muscles or to be soft and flexible? How might this correspond to your relationship to control and trust? How might you use a physical practice to explore and deepen your relationship with trust?
* What is your relationship to trust within relationships (with friends, family, co-workers, lovers)?
* How can you cultivate a deeper relationship to trust in your own life?

Exercise:
Do a yoga practice that incorporates backbends. Afterward, journal about your experience. Make sure to consider the relationship of your experience to your relationship to trust.