Discipline & the Desire for Full Play

As a teenager and young adult, I associated discipline — both the word and the concept — with constraints, limitations, and punishment. Intellectually, I believed in the value of training and practicing, so I still dedicated myself to daily running, to training my horse, to schoolwork, etc., but I often approached these things with a feeling that I was being pushed to do them by some outside force, and that somehow I was being stuffed into a structure. Emotionally, I longed to break free. A couple of years ago, one of my yoga teachers, Sara Rose, pointed out that within the word discipline is the word disciple. And she offered, “To be disciplined is to be a disciple of the highest in yourself. It is to commit to aligning with consciousness.”

This shift in perspective felt radical to me. Rather than being about another’s expectations or rules, discipline became about committing to myself and cultivating the virtues, values, and habits of mind that I wished to possess. Rather than restraint and punishment, discipline became about conviction, and about refining my alignment — physical, emotional, and spiritual. It was my choice to align with my heart’s deepest longing (or not), rather than something forced on me from the outside. I found this new definition refreshing and compelling, and, ultimately, liberating.

Every time I come to my yoga mat to practice, I am carrying out my commitment to myself — giving myself the opportunity to strengthen, open, and move toward greater flexibility and consciousness. And far from the limitation and restraint that I once saw it as imposing, discipline has become a gateway to freedom. Because of my steady commitment to my practice, every month or so, I find myself moving into a pose that I used to find impossible, which brings with it physical, mental, emotional and spiritual shifts.

One of the synonyms for “freedom” in the thesaurus is “full play.” In yoga, we can be playful at every stage of our learning. And through steady commitment to our practice, we gain access to poses that can bring sheer delight. Darren Rhodes, an inspiring Anusara yogi who can do more physical postures than anyone else that I know, is an extremely dedicated practitioner. Darren says, “When I come across a posture I really want to do, I ask myself, ‘How do I have to shift physically, mentally, and in my heart to be able to do that?’” Because of his willingness to commit and transform, he is rewarded with the ability to move his body with strength, fluidity, and grace.

I want to be able to get into the postures that Darren can. I want to play like that, and I want the expansion of mind, body, and spirit that comes with radical physical play. The postures that I am working toward require that I build strength, flexibility, and balance. To get there, it is necessary that I come to my mat time and again. And by committing to truly becoming a disciple of the highest in myself, I know that I will open many new places inside of me. And perhaps I will taste true freedom.