I believe that a yoga practice helps us to cultivate all aspects of our being — but most of all, I believe it helps us to develop a deep connection to our instinctual, wildish natures. Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes, “the word wild is not used here in its modern pejorative sense, meaning out of control, but in its original sense, which means to live a natural life, one in which the criatura, creature, has innate integrity and healthy boundaries.”

This is what yoga is for me — a deepening of my connection to nature and intuition. And the more I remember this connection, the more vastly loving I become. Yet, my love often does not look like a Hallmark card. It is not always communicated with a sweet smile and rainbows. Sometimes, it takes the form of setting a firm and clear boundary, of saying (and sometimes yelling) as loudly as I need to “I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS!” Sometimes it takes the form of speaking things that others would rather not hear but saying it anyway because silence can sometimes allow harmful behaviors to continue unchecked. As I first heard from Douglas Brooks, it means saying “yes” to that which affirms life and “no” to that which diminishes it.

Which brings me to the particular reason that I am inspired to write this post today. As many of you know, I resigned my Anusara-Inspired license on February 15th when it came to light that John Friend, the founder of Anusara Yoga, was misaligned with the ethics of the school. Since then, I have participated in discussions on Facebook forums to understand and untangle and make sense of so many things I had previously not been privy to. As stories were told, it became clear to me quite quickly that there had been serious abuses of power as well as misogyny. I did not want to participate in a community that in any way perpetuated either of these things. Full stop. In addition to the stories that have been published in public media, I have heard multitudinous, heart-breaking stories of John’s disrespect, diminishment, and humiliation of people for whom I have great respect. These stories have been told with honesty, integrity, and most often with the teller taking responsibility for his or her own part of the interaction — and together they paint a picture of a man who, while he speaks of grace and alignment, wants others to speak only when they agree with him, who will be charming until you challenge him and then he will make you his enemy, who abuses his power, and whose actions convey a pattern of sexually objectifying women and seeing himself as exempt from social codes and ethics.

I resigned three months ago, so why write about this today? I write today because as Krishna tells Arjuna in The Bhaghavad Gita, “Now is the time for action.” It is my yoga to speak out today. Yesterday, John Friend sent out a letter that stated that he would remain the sole owner of Anusara and that he would return to teaching in September. I am not surprised by this declaration, but it has come as a blow to many that were holding out that there might be a way to separate the man from the method. And it is a disgrace to yoga as a whole that he will soon resume the seat of the teacher without having taking ownership for his actions which have wreaked so much havoc in not just the Anusara community but in the yoga community as a whole. In yesterday’s letter, John said, “There have been great examples of steadiness and open-heartedness during this time, and there have been terribly negative and harmful emotional reactions as well. Without engaging in the vicious postings on social media from a very vocal minority, many teachers have quietly held their affirmation in the efficacy of the Anusara yoga methodology.”

The message is quite clear: you could either be steady and open-hearted or you could be angry and in grief, but not both. (I think I have been both, by the way.) And remaining quiet and passive is the only course of action that receives the John Friend stamp of approval. I have been among the “vocal minority” who has been continuing the dialog, asking hard questions, trying to help make sense of the confusing, tangle of this mess. If anger and sadness and grief are “terribly negative and harmful emotional reactions,” then yes, I am guilty of that, too. My yoga practice has taught me that I cannot sit idly by while I, along with others more brave, honest, and forthcoming than me, am called “vicious” for my (our) commitment to honesty, safety, dignity, and respect. And if my experiences in social justice movements and media education have taught me anything it is that it is not just my right, but also my responsibility, to speak up. As the host of Democracy Now! Amy Goodman says, “Go to where the silence is, and say something.”

The definition of “vicious” on dictionary.com follows: “1. addicted to or characterized by vice; grossly immoral; depraved; profligate: a vicious life. | 2. given or readily disposed to evil: a vicious criminal. | 3. reprehensible; blameworthy; wrong: a vicious deception. | 4. spiteful; malicious: vicious gossip; a vicious attack. | 5. unpleasantly severe: a vicious headache. ”

Rather than reading anything on the Facebook forums that I would characterize as “grossly immoral,” “reprehensible,” “wrong,” or “malicious,” I have read stories written from bared hearts and souls. It is true that people have been angry and the anger has been communicated on the Facebook pages. People have been in shock and have been in pain. I have personally been angry and over the past few months, I have, on more than one occasion, sobbed with grief. I believe anger has been appropriate in this situation where boundaries were violated, where safety was compromised. I believe it has been appropriate for us to grieve, and grieve hard, for the loss of a community that so many of us put so much of our time, energy, and hearts into building. People have challenged each other. The “very vocal minority” has insisted, often vehemently, that we do more than look for the good, that we are honest with ourselves and with each other about the culture, the method, and the man.

It has been and continues to be empowering to go through this process, to experience the full range of emotions. To me, it has embodied yoga. I am more committed today than ever to the healing potential of yoga and to the ways its teachings can help us live clearly, fully, artfully, honestly, and in integrity.

I could go on, but I think this is enough for today. I believe that it is my responsibility as a yoga teacher to do my best to live the teachings. One of the definitions of yoga — the one that resonates most with me — is “to engage.” I am and have been deeply engaging with what is happening now in my life and in my community. Over the past months, I have become more clearly connected and committed to my yoga than I have ever been. The practice of yoga brings me into a deep connection with my inner nature and because of this connection, I can skillfully choose when it is time to stand with vast, wide open arms, when it is time to fiercely bare my teeth, and when it is the time to draw clear, firm boundaries. When the forces of nature are truly flowing through me in their full strength, I am able to do all three — be vastly loving, set clear boundaries, and give the gift of my fierceness — all at the same time.

Well. 2012 sure has delivered on its promise of enormous change! In the last month, an overwhelming cascade of events has impacted the Anusara yoga community. All of us are still processing these events in our own ways, and it’s probably not a stretch to say that we are surprised to find ourselves in this place.

Yoga Coalition is a group of yoga teachers who have recently distanced themselves from John Friend and Anusara, Inc. Regardless of our transitions from Anusara, Inc., we are as committed as ever to excellence in the art of teaching yoga, and to our local and global communities. As the dust settles from these recent experiences, we find ourselves asking:

What now?

We find the deep camaraderie we developed as co-creators of Anusara yoga is stronger than ever, and we know these bonds help us both to serve others and to evolve ourselves. Change has invigorated our creativity and our self-awareness, so we don’t wish to replicate the old structure, or to create without careful consideration. Instead, we want to initiate a movement toward a new paradigm of collectivity that we can grow organically over time, one based on our education and shared wisdom.

Moving forward, we know we won’t have a perfectly unified vision. This is a good thing–it allows room for more than one voice, and gives us the freedom to grow, independently and together.

We hope to collaborate and build on existing relationships, in a decentralized way that fosters creativity and allows grassroots initiative. Some of us may collaborate on projects and programs to empower our students. Some may focus on building bridges to the larger yoga community. Some of us may work to re-imagine what a serious yogic education, with a true standard of excellence, looks like.

Perhaps you feel the same?

If so, you are welcome to learn more on a website we’ve started together, www.yogacoalition.com, and a Facebook group by the same name. There is no obligation, other than a sincere desire to move forward, to participate in honest conversation, and to practice with integrity.

Love,

Bernadette Birney
Abe Christensen
Laura Christensen
Betsey Downing
Sue Elkind
Justin Faircloth
Sarah Faircloth
Nealy Fischer
Kelley Gardner
Beryl Herrin
Kendra Hodgson
Marc Holzman
Amy Ippoliti
Naime Jezzeny
Jordan Louise Kirk
Martin Kirk
Chris Magenta
Emma Magenta
Noah Maze
Cat McCarthy
Elizabeth Cronise McLaughlin
Joe Miller
Natalie Miller
Stacey Millner-Collins
Katie Myer
Sara Rose Page
Darren Rhodes
Susanna Harwood Rubin
Christina Sell
Tracy Silver
Lara Demberg Voloto

Participating Studios
Be Yoga, Charlotte NC
The Bindu, Cornelius NC
City Yoga, Columbia SC
Dig Yoga, Lambertville NJ & Philadelphia PA
NOLA YOGA, New Orleans LA
South Mountain Yoga, South Orange NJ
Vikasa Yoga, Cold Spring NY
Willow Street Yoga, Takoma Park & Silver Spring MD
Yoga Evolution, Jenkintown PA
Yoga Oasis, Tucson AZ
Yoga Sanctuary, Northhampton MA

In the common vernacular, “to have a backbone” means to have fortitude or strength of character. While I am not a fan of sayings and phrases that use the spine (or rather allusion to a lack of it) to diminish or shame people, I think the common usage reveals a cultural recognition of the centrality of the spine to our well-being and our character and its importance to us living in fullness.

From the perspective of yoga and yoga therapeutics, we can address many injuries and chronic pain by first ensuring the health of the spine. So what are some steps we can take?

#2 Take the Top of Your Thighs Back. In the same way that many people turn their feet out, many people stand with the tops of their thighs popped forward. This flattens the low back. So after you’ve set your foundation, take your hands to the tops of your thighs, just below your hip flexors and press the tops of your thighs back. Whenever you are standing in line at the grocery store or having a conversation, bring this to mind and just move the tops of your thigh bones back. What you’re doing is moving the head of your femur bone (your thigh bone) into your hip socket, where it is more aligned and much happier.

#3 Create a Curve in Your Low Back. The lumber spine, or low back, is the most commonly injured area in our backs because it is the most mobile. It is supposed to have a lordotic curve, meaning that the curve is concave in relation to the back-body. The curve is generally more pronounced in women than in men, but it is important for people of both genders to create the curve. We create the lordotic curve in the low back with “shins in/thighs out,” an alignment instruction used frequently in classes influenced by Anusara. To create shins in/thighs out, set your foundation (see #1 above) and then bend your knees deeply and place your hands on the outside of your shins. Lift your toes to fire the muscles on the outsides of your calves (for anatomy geeks, these are your peroneus muscles). Use your hands to hug your shins into the midline. Keep that, and widen your inner thighs back and wide apart so much that your knees will track right over your ankles. Keep both the hugging in of your shins and the widening of your thighs and bring your hands to your hips and maintaining both actions equally, slowly straighten your legs. To strengthen these muscles (which you might discover that up until now you haven’t been using that much), do this exercise 5-10x each day. Slowly come up to standing. You should now have a big curve in your low back. It’s actually too much curve, so now you want to tone your buttocks and lengthen your tailbone. Voila, you have a healthy curve in your low back.

#4. Create a Curve in Your Mid-Back. The curve in our thoracic spine, or mid-back, is supposed to be convex in relationship to our back-body. The action in this part of the back is more subtle. To create a healthy curve here, we want to do what is called “inner body bright.” To do this begin by closing your eyes and bringing to mind someone that you love. And then let this feeling of love fill you from your low belly right on up to the tops of your shoulders. With your breath expand your ribs and lengthen from your hips up to your armpits, getting really full. Let your outer body expand into and onto this feeling of love and fullness. It’s generally easier to feel this fullness and brightness in the front of our bodies than in our backs, so make sure you expand equally on all sides, getting as full in your back body as in your front body.

#5. Create a Curve in Your Neck. The curve in your neck, or cervical spine, should be concave in relationship to the back-body and all of the vertebrae should be moving in. To create this curve in the spine, we want to create what Anusara calls “shoulder loop” and then “skull loop.” To create shoulder loop, keep the fullness and length you created in step #3, then take one hand to the back of your skull and bring your elbow forward. Draw your armpit back to bring your shoulder blade onto your back. Press the back of your skull into your hand and lift your heart — this action creates shoulder loop. Keep that, and isometrically draw your hand upward to lengthen your neck and slightly tip your chin back down toward your neck — this creates skull loop. Now place your hand on top of your head and lengthen up into it, or as Noah Maze says, “stretch up through the top of your head, like there’s a party going on up there!”

#6. Wear Sensible Shoes. This is primarily for the ladies, but sensible footwear is important for everyone. I love my heeled shoes and boots and the way they look. But they’re really not great for our backs. Wearing heels pushes our thighs forward (and often hyper-extends our knees), often creating pain in the low back. Look for shoes that are both comfortable and stylish.

#7. Drink Plenty of Water! I know, this one is surprising, right? There are so many reasons to stay hydrated, but one of them is to keep your back healthy. Your spinal discs, whose main job is to absorb and disperse shock waves from regular impact, lose fluid throughout the day. They reabsorb fluid as you rest. Staying well-hydrated ensures that there is plenty of fluid available for them to take in.

As I offer these tips to you, I want to express my deep gratitude for all of my teachers, but most especially to my Anatomy/Therapy teacher Martin Kirk for teaching me about the wonders and actions of the spine and also for teaching me that physical health and alignment cannot be separated from the healing of our spirits.

“‘To heal’ and ‘to become whole’,” Martin began on the third morning of the training, “have the same etymological roots. Healing is about realizing and claiming our wholeness.” This principle, which was central to the training, is rooted deeply in the teachings of the Shiva-Shakti Tantric philosophy that underlies Anusara Yoga. This wasn’t the first time I had heard Martin speak these words or heard this philosophy, yet when he said this on Friday morning, it reached into new parts of my bones and being. As I let myself absorb the subtle layers of the principle of wholeness, it felt both simple and completely revolutionary at the same time. We live in a culture that continually tells us that we are ‘broken’ and that our value is tied to looking a very particular way — from billboards for plastic surgery that encourage us to change the shape of our faces and bodies to commercials for beauty products to Neosporin ads that tell us to “prevent the formation of unsightly scars.” So many of us take these messages on and allow them to become a part of the lens through which we view ourselves, striving for a completely unattainable and false ideal.

So the idea that we are already whole can seem completely radical. This morning, on the fifth and last day of the training, we talked about how it is a natural process of life for us to forget. We forget our worth, we forget our wholeness, we forget the flow of grace within. Pain and injury are often a part of this process of forgetting. We forget to align, and we end up injured, tight, bound, or in chronic pain. But, fortunately, we have yoga to give us a practice of conscious remembering.

When I show my yoga students how to realign their bodies, helping them to find optimal physical freedom, it is always to help them remember their own wholeness, to help them find healing and to remember all of the goodness that is already inside of them. I realize, however, that alignment instructions can sometimes feel like the teacher is trying to ‘fix’ something about you — have you ever felt that way? I know I have. Martin’s teachings this week gave me the ability to more clearly articulate that my teaching is always in service of the innate worthiness of my students, and that I am always seeing them (you!) as fully healed. My alignment instructions are helping them to realize the healing and wholeness that they may have forgotten. “It is your job,” Martin told us, “to see your students’ wholeness even when they can’t yet see it.” It is your job, he said, to help your students discover their own wholeness by helping them align their bodies in a way that allows them to experience optimal freedom and to live pain-free. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Sitting here in the airport writing this, I’m raising my hand. I definitely want that job. And feel really lucky that I have it.

To sign up for a private therapy session, contact me here.

11 women who have inspired me, not in rank order, and certainly not an exhaustive list. . .

1. Clarissa Pinkola-Estés, Ph.D.. Author of Women Who Run With the Wolves. My father gave me this book when I was a freshman in college. I drank in her inspiring words, felt the wild woman stirring deeply inside of me, and was inspired to begin a journey deeply into my intuition. Last fall, I got to meet her at a book signing during the National Women’s Studies Conference. I hugged her and burst into tears.

2. Paula Hodges. Assistant Principal of Punahou School Academy. My first job after college was an English teacher at Punahou School, Honolulu, HI. At that time, Paula was the coordinator of the Mentoring Program that I was a part of in my first year. By the time I left, four years later, she had become the assistant principal. She is clear, intelligent, kind, empowered, strong. She was a true model for me of the kind of leader I want(ed) to become.

3. Amy Ippoliti. Amy is a senior Certified Anusara Yoga Teacher. I have taken a Level 2 Advanced Teacher Training with her (co-taught with Ross Rayburn), as well as an online training, and she constantly inspires me to be my best, to step up another level. At the same time, she helps me to see that I am already worthy just as I am. Amy is fun, energetic, incredibly skilled and intelligent, and just basically bad-ass. She was also the January Yoga Journal cover model. I look forward to continuing to learn from her!

4. Jean Kilbourne. Creator, Killing Us Softly 4. I first watched Killing Us Softly: Advertising’s Image of Women when I was a high school teacher. The film, which breaks down how advertising objectifies and commercializes womens’ bodies, opened my eyes. I taught the film to teenagers for three years and then had the opportunity to write the study guide for the film. I currently work for the nonprofit organization that produces and distributes Jean’s films, and I am honored to know call her a friend. Her leadership in making media education a serious field of study, her passion about the health and young being of girls, her clarity, her humor, and her confidence are continually inspiring to me.

5. Sara Rose. Director of Yoga Sanctuary. Sara is one of my yoga teachers and the director of the yoga studio where I teach. Sara is a woman of incredible integrity, vast generosity, clear vision, and a huge heart. She is an incredibly talented yoga teacher, a wonderful mother of two (she just had a new baby in February), and I have been honored to learn how to teach under her careful instruction. She is also humble, beautiful, and always committed to the highest for herself, for others, for the studio, and for her world. She was my first guide on my path of Anusara Yoga, and her teachings have brought so much light, love, and expansion into my life.

6. Michelle Obama. I think Michelle Obama rocks. I want to meet her and have tea with her. I admire her toughness, kindness, humor, intelligence, clarity, and professionalism. She exudes confidence, and I think she has a high vision for what she wants for our country and for our children, especially in regards to education and health. I am so grateful to have her as our first lady.

7. Elissa Cobb. Elissa is the co-director of Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy. She is incredibly kind, authentic, and wise. I love talking to her. She is has an incredible depth of knowledge about anatomy and mind-body connections. She is a wonderful teacher and a lovely friend.

8. Barbara Kingsolver. Author, Poisonwood Bible, Animal Dreams, Prodigal Summer, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and more! I love Kingsolver’s writing. It is elegant and grounded in history. I love how she uses her plots and her characters to challenge the status quo and give her readers a chance to question power and privilege. Her stories are rich and transport me into other places and times, and I have loved every book that I have read.

9. Sarah Faircloth. Certified Anusara Yoga Teacher. I am currently taking a Yoga Teacher Training with Sarah, and I am learning so much from her. She is fun, smart, and incredibly clear in her teaching. She is adding a lot of depth and clarity to things that I have learned before, and I love how she can take complex ideas and concepts and make them super accessible. Plus she makes me laugh. Totally inspiring. She’s a mom, and a rockin’ yogini.

10. Lisa Leizman. Lisa is a fellow yoga teacher, a dear member of my yoga community at Yoga Sanctuary, and the director of the the Lisa Leizman Dance Company in Northampton, MA. She is one of the wisest people that I know. She is steady, deeply grounded in herself, full of love, and incredibly intelligent and humble. She’s also super fun — she wrote a rap song the other day. She is someone I love to go to for advice, and I always love to practice yoga with her.

11. Florelle Olson. My mom. She has a huge heart and is really generous and loving. She taught me to make offerings (of food, of help, of love) to people, to make sure that people feel loved and cared for. I have never once doubted her love and support of me, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Who has inspired you?

So, what is it that allows one to approach aging with gratitude and celebration rather than with dread? I think it’s the cultivation of what yoga calls vjana, which is applied knowledge, or wisdom. Vjana is taking all of the things you’ve learned from life experience, from books, from conversations, and more, and putting all of that into action to make skillful choices. It is finding yourself in a scenario that feels familiar and, knowing that you’ve been down this path before, pausing and consciously choosing how you will do it this time around.

Jana, a word and a concept that is inside vjana, literally means “knowledge.” It is more than just knowledge acquired from intellectual study, it is a knowing deep in your being — a realization of the self and of the nature of consciousness acquired from lived experience.

Vjana it is taking that deep, full-bodied knowing, and applying it to our lives. It is skill in action. It requires that we learn the art of the pause. The pause is the space in between breaths, the moment (or moments) of not knowing, the comfortable silence while we listen, really carefully, to the knowing within. Because when we pause, we can take stock, we can ask ourselves if we are in alignment with our highest vision for ourselves and for the planet, and then we can act with skill and mindfulness.

And the paradox here is that vjana, which remember means “applied knowledge,” also requires being okay with not knowing. The universe is a karmic universe, in that there is cause and effect. If you take the tops of your thighs back, it will calm your nervous system and release pressure off your lower back. If you get on your yoga mat every day and practice, your body will get stronger and more open. And the universe is also lilic. Lila literally translates to mean “play.” Lila is the principle that says, “you actually don’t know exactly what is going to happen next; you’re not actually in control.”

So cultivating vjana is both about applying everything that we have learned and about surrendering to the unknown. We do our practice and surrender attachment to the fruits. And I think this is what helps us age gracefully. It is karma that our bodies break down over time. The effect of living an extended period of time in a body is that it will wrinkle and become stiffer. And we don’t know when or how. What if we engaged with the mystery instead of trying to control it? What if we allowed ourselves to be surprised, and perhaps even delighted by the appearance of a gray hair or a wrinkle? What if we approached each new age by bringing in all of the wisdom we have acquired from all of the years we’ve lived before and with a beginner’s mind. Because you’ve never been here before. You’ve never taken this breath before, or this one, or this one. And because of all of the breaths you’ve taken before, you can have a sense of how you would like to approach this new breath.

My husband, Boysen, is a great model of someone who has cultivated, and continues to cultivate, vjana. He is constantly engaging in reflective practices to know and understand his feelings and responses and to ask himself how he might act differently next time to more fully serve the highest consciousness. He has shifted many patterns overtime by observing, taking stock, and making a different choice. It is inspiring to observe and I am grateful to be married to a man who lives in this way.

One of the perils of cultivating vjana is that it might awake our inner perfectionist — I know that is the tendency for me. We might think that we need to make just the ‘right’ choice each time we act. And I think it’s less about that than the intention. It’s about using what we know to act with discernment, and when we don’t get it right, maintaining beginner’s mind and then simply trying again. And, finally, being open to, and engaging wholeheartedly with, the play of it all. For the sheer delight of embodiment and for the chance to know ourselves more deeply through all of our ages and phases.

In my understanding, setting a New Year’s Resolution starts from a place of feeling not good enough, essentially of being in a place of lack. So the message seems to be that we need to do something — lose x # of pounds, study harder, eat more vegetables, etc. — to be better. In yoga, we begin instead with the premise that we are already worthy just because we are alive. Our deepest nature is innate worthiness. Worth is not something that anyone can give or take away from us, and it is not something that we can achieve through dieting, going to the gym, studying, etc.. We already have it. Rather than making ourselves somehow better through our yoga practice, we instead use our practice to uncover and realize our own true nature more fully.

I have noticed, too, that resolutions are also often about starting from a clean slate — wiping away the previous year and starting fresh in the new year — and this relationship to time feels discordant to me. In yoga, there is a beautiful concept — kalapurnata — which means “the fullness of time.” Kala comes from Kali, who is known as the goddess of time and change, and purna, which means “fullness” or “abundance.” To live in kalapurnata means to live fully in past, present, and future all at once.

So, rather than wiping away 2010 and starting with a clean slate, we look back on the year and see what we can learn from it. And all of the experiences from the year are worthwhile — even the places where we stepped out of alignment and perhaps said or did things that we wish we hadn’t. Those experiences are also teachers and when we reflect on them mindfully and consciously, we can use them to inform our present and our future. We remember our past and use it to act mindfully in our present and to consider what lies ahead.

Why does this matter? Now, more than ever, the earth needs us to be fully awake and to be living consciously from *all* of our experiences. To use our past to live mindfully in our present, with an eye to the future, is to be thoughtful of ourselves and considerate of one another and respectful of the impact our choices will have on future generations.

Seventh generation sustainability is an ecological concept that originated with the Iroquois — The Great Law of the Iroquois — that urges humans to think about the impact their current decisions will have on the seventh generation in the future. To do that is to realize that we are so much greater than just ourselves, to realize that our choices do matter and will affect not just others in our immediate sphere but people who come after us much further in the future.

To live in kalapurnata is to be aware that we live in a continuum of time, that we can never wipe away the year gone by (nor do we want to!). I invite you to look back on 2010 and take it all in — swallow it and assimilate it all, let it become a part of you. And from that place, look forward to 2011. Keep one foot in the past and one foot in the future, and it will then be possible to live fully in kalapurnata in the present.

I wish to thank all of my teachers and friends for the giftss of wisdom and guidance that have contributed to my offering of this writing. Most especially here, I would like to thank Amy Ippoliti for introducing me to the concept of kalapurnata and my dear friend Lizzy Tyler for her reminders to always begin from a place of fullness and worth.

Questions for further contemplation:
* What were your greatest teachings of 2010?
* In what moments or experiences did you feel in clear alignment? How do you want to bring that forward with you into 2011?
* In what moments or experiences did you feel out of alignment? How do you want to use that to inform what you do in 2011?
* What would it look like for you to live in kalapurnata as you enter the new year?

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Experiences that challenge us make us a nervous because they are outside the boundaries of our comfort zone — they are edges. The term “edge” is a concept I work with in Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy sessions. In a physical stretch, it is that point where there is a strong sensation, where something interesting is happening. If you go beyond this point, it becomes too much and perhaps changes from interesting into pain. If you back off too far from this point, it might start to seem like nothing is happening and lose your attention. In a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy session, I guide my clients to look for that place that gets their attention, and we stay there and explore. There are all kinds of edges — physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and life experiences. And the thing with edges is that they change when we stay with them. Over time, we expand so the edges transform and become part of our comfort zone.

It is also true that with practice, we become more refined in choosing our edges. We learn to discern when an edge is too far outside of our comfort zone, and therefore it may not be the optimal learning experience at that point in time. For me, I know if I am ready to step up to an edge if I can sense grace just beyond it. I feel nervousness in my body, but I can also feel the currents of grace flowing through me. In the instance of teaching the level 2 class this week, I will draw on my five years of study of Anusara in classes, workshops, and teacher trainings and my nine months of teaching classes in the Anusara style. I will breathe deeply and trust my experience and my body. I know it’s possible that my voice will shake at the beginning of class, as it tends to do when I step up to a big edge — and that will just tell me that I am putting my authentic self out there in a very visible and vulnerable way — and then I will trust myself and the universe and surrender to the currents of grace.

The past couple of weeks, I have been watching the Olympics and have been especially enamored with figure skating, partly because the athletes are doing very difficult yoga poses (natarajasana, ardha chundra chipasana, etc.) — while balancing on ice skates! But also, because the athletes use the experience of the Olympics to help themselves expand. The other night, in the women’s long program, the top seven skaters — the medal contenders — all had fantastic skates, many of them receiving personal best scores. They each took to the ice, stepping up to their own edges — the expectations of others, their expectations of themselves, the reality of skating on Olympic ice, etc. — and they trusted all of the training they had done before that moment. They stayed present and offered a combination of strength, athleticism, and artistic grace. And though there is competition in Olympic ice skating that is not a part of the teachings of yoga, they used that moment to make more of themselves — to expand into greater freedom and beauty.

Ultimately, I believe that it is a combination of fiery action and fluid surrender that helps us to make more of ourselves. Stepping up to an edge involves choice and action. It requires iccha (“will” or “desire”). Why would we step up to edges that gives us butterflies in our stomachs and make our voices shake? My answer is because I want the freedom, the expansion, the grace that is just beyond the edge. And I believe that we all know, deep inside in our place of deepest knowing, that the only way to get there is by going through our edges. We call on tapas (“heat” or “fire”) to help us move through the nerves, the discomfort, the strong sensations. And then, we soften, we lay back on the larger consciousness, we surrender to grace, and let ourselves expand into the energy of the space just beyond our edge.

• What is your heart’s deepest desire?
• How can you use knowledge (or what do you need to know) to help you align your body, both physically and energetically, with your true nature and your heart’s deepest longing?
• What are you willing to do (what actions are you willing to take in your life) to get what you want?

Though the first question — what is your heart’s deepest desire? — rolls off the tongue easily, it is a question that we can spend our whole lives contemplating. And the answer frequently changes as our lives and selves unfold and we enter different phases. What we most desire in our early twenties is usually not the same as what we desire in our mid-thirties, which is usually not the same as what we desire in our late fifties, and so on. And shifts in our desires are not limited to aging, but also happen with significant life events such as graduations, marriage, divorce, birth, death, illness, career changes, evolutions of self, and more. So the point is not to discover a finite answer but to check in regularly with our bodies and selves: what is my heart’s deepest longing at this point in time? Checking in with our deepest longing is important. There are many things that we desire, but some of them are more fleeting and superficial than others and some of them are closer to our true nature than others. It is the deeper, more essential longings that we are trying to uncover with this question.

When we start to get some clarity about what this deepest longing is, or even get a glimpse into what it might be, we can begin to explore how to align with it. In Anusara, we talk about the optimal blueprint for our physical bodies. Though each body is unique, there are universal principles that help us to align our bodies in ways that provide for optimal health and free flow of energy. Life experiences and habits pull most of us out of this optimal blueprint (for example, hours at the computer or driving pull our shoulder blades off of our back, overdevelop and contract our Trapezius muscles, and weaken our Rhomboids — resulting in a rounded, hunched over upper back). Yoga can help us to realign our physical bodies and repattern our muscles. As we do so, we simultaneously realign our energetic bodies. (I.e. moving our shoulder blades onto our back and practicing backbends invigorates the body, turns the body out to face the world, and can counter feelings of depression or unworthiness.) It is also a helpful practice to ask ourselves, in what ways are my daily habits, my relationships, my work, etc. in alignment with my heart’s deepest longing? In what ways are they not? What do I need to do to come into greater alignment with myself?

And then we come to the principle of action. The Kriya of a yoga pose or the choices we make in our lives is the expression or an offering of our heart’s deepest longing. It is the manifestation of what we are willing to do to get what we want. So as you look at the year ahead, what are you willing to do to manifest your deepest desires? What do you need to say “yes” to and what do you need to say “no” to in order to make it possible for the seeds of your intentions for the new year to take root and grow? Manifesting desires is not so simple as just wishing. Our yoga teaches that we need to take action as well. Perhaps, like me, you will commit to doing at least twelve Urdhva Dhanurasanas each week in 2010 to support you in building the strength and confidence to open your heart more deeply. Or perhaps you will commit to meditating at least ten minutes every day to help you become more focused and mindful or your actions. Whatever action or actions you choose to commit to, make sure that they are in service of your heart’s deepest longing and that your actions help to bring you into alignment with your true nature.

Happy New Year! May it be filled with joy, abundance, and many unfoldings and insights.